I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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