i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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