I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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