Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
