Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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