i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my poor anus
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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