So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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