Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
