Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
