I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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