Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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