stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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