All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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