And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
