Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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