Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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