I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
