you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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