Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
