I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
