Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
