this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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