I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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