Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize