so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize