Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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