My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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