We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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