im about as happy as oj after his trial
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
