but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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