Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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