Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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