apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
