we have officially lost it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
