What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
