I'm gonna have a badass scar
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Found your dick twin last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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