I feel like I'm in dance class right now
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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