What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
