The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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