he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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