either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
