Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
