She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize