I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
