i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
