You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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