first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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