you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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