I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
