I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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