I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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