I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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