She said her name was "party"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
