Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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