I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
