He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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