the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
