my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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