And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
