Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
ttyl tear gas
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
