Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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