took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
even my farts smell like vagina
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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