So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
