Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
