How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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